5 Things About the 4th Trimester that No One Tells You
All throughout my first pregnancy I thought ahead and researched all about going into labor, giving birth, bringing home baby, and "bouncing back". I read tons of articles and blog posts about labor, breastfeeding, and even some about that dreaded "first poop" after delivering. (FYI mine wasn't that bad.)
You'd be surprised at how much one can learn from Pinterest blogs; the info I read and confirmed with my OBGYN turned out to be quite comprehensive. If you are expecting your first let me preface this post by saying to trust your instincts and if you start to feel too overwhelmed when you bring your baby home. Tell Somebody. Tell your doctor, tell your husband, tell your neighbor. And don't be afraid to ask for the help you need.
That being said here are 5 things about those first few months after delivery that nobody wants to tell you.
1. You will be emotional as EFF
I cried more in the first 3 months after I delivered than I did my entire pregnancy. I cried from relief that my baby was born and was healthy. I cried from exhaustion from lack of sleep. I cried from annoyance at all the people around me who were there to help. I cried when I got overwhelmed. I cried when the cat upchucked its hairball on the kitchen floor. I cried when I went back to work. I cried at work. I cried on the drive home from work. (And I brought my baby with me to work). I do believe that I am an emotional person but this was a bit much.
2. You will feel like an empty shell
After spending nearly 10 months serving as a host/carrier for another living human, I got accustomed to how it felt. Then, in less that 60 seconds, that human was out. That full feeling was no longer there and the odd connection I had with my baby was broken. My stomach looked and felt like a deflated basketball and my Spirit and soul felt the same way. It is a feeling of loneliness and emptiness that I believe is difficult for most people to understand; not to mention explain.
It took me a while to understand and be able to conceptualize how I was feeling, and by the time I did I was already feeling much better. Take the time to reform that connection with your baby and talk to your husband about it so he can understand and help you work through how you are feeling. Of course if they are so severe that you feel you cannot get through it, tell your doctor as well.
3. The Dr. will start pushing birth control at you right away.
I learned this lesson the hard way. You CAN say no to your doctor. Like it or not, western medicine is an industry, and pharmaceuticals would make no money if doctors did not prescribe their medications. Plus, just like all the other "sales" or product based industries, I am sure that the doctors get some sort of commission or kickback from the pharmaceutical companies for prescribing their drug.
So here is my advice to first time mothers. Don't change your birth control method after giving birth. There is that 6 week period of no sex, then right at your 6 week checkup the Dr. will want to fill your prescription for the pill or insert your IUD. If you are like me and didn't use a hormonal birth control before your pregnancy don't start one when your hormones are still haywire from pregnancy and birth. This is a recipie for a hormonal and emotional DISASTER. Just say no.
4. Your um... "relations" with your husband will take time and extra effort to get back on track.
If you and your husband were regularly intimate before and during pregnancy, then after that 6 week period of Dr ordered abstinence your husband will likely be ready to tango right at that 6 week mark. You, on the other hand, might not be. You just pushed out a rather large something out of those lady parts and having any other "parts" in or near there might not sound fun to you. That is ok! Your body may be healed but your emotions might not be ready. That is OK! Pregnancy and birth leave their mark on women's bodies (especially after the first) and you might not yet be comfortable in your own skin. That is OK too.
Here is where communication between husband and wife is so important. Tell your husband how you are feeling. Start talking about it before the last night of the 6 week period. Your husband isn't going through what you are going through and he can't understand unless you tell him. So tell him! Let him help you work through it. Find a way to keep that intimacy, even if it can't be physical. Start out slow, see where it takes you, you may be pleasantly surprised at the end.
5. Your way of mothering will be different from your mother's way.
Whether this is intentional or accidental. There is no one right way to mother your baby. If you choose to breastfeed, great! If you choose to formula feed, great! If you choose to cloth diaper, fine. If regular diapers win for you, fine. If you give your baby a binky or let them suck their thumb, no worries. If you potty train at 14 months or at 38 months, no sweat.
First time moms are hit with all sorts of advice whether welcome or unwelcome. And, no matter what, you will stress about that advice because that mom guilt is real my friends. I went through baby app after baby app, schedule after schedule, and diaper brand after diaper brand before I found what worked best for me and my baby. It is not even close to what my mother did and that is ok.
Things get seriously real in the rollercoaster of motherhood. It starts in pregnancy, hits the fan in this crazy 4th trimester and then slowly mellows out over the next 18 years. So I know I just said first time moms get a lot of unsolicited advice, but here is my only piece of advice to you:
Keep your baby fed, keep yourself fed.
Clean yourself and your baby once in a while. Communicate your needs to those around you who love you the most and want to help. Prioritize your husband. Enjoy this time with your baby. And finally, Relax! You got this.
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