Dear Future Me...

Dear Future Me,

I am writing this to you from the floor of our old apartment.  In our bedroom next to our 18 month old Ursa who is laying I'm her little toddler bed.  Yesterday we let her hold our old iPod and pick a song to fall asleep to and she fell asleep before the first song even ended.  Today we are trying the same thing.  We are two songs in and although she is awake, she is calm and laying down under the covers.  Fingers crossed this is the answer to our bedtime issues.  

I am writing this letter to you to tell you that I hope you never forget these days.  These days when Ursa wants to be near you,  she wants to snuggle you, she wants to play with you.  Remember these days of tucking her in with your old fleece robe because that's her favorite blanket.  Remember her sweet little face all grubby with the day's messy meals.  Is she still a messy eater?  

Remember how hard you worked; how both of your jobs would still not yield enough to cover all your bills and how you spent most of your free time scouring for different ways to make money.  Remember the worry, the anxiety, and the frustration of living penny to penny and wondering if buying a $5 shampoo was a good idea when, odds are, you wouldn't even have enough to pay your rent.  Remember and appreciate how this felt, have compassion for others who are now going through the same things.  Help them the same way that so many have helped you.  Don't let all yours and Bjorn's hard work go to waste.  I hope you are both still hard workers, even if you may not have to be anymore.  

Remember how calm Bjorn always seemed when you would break down from exhaustion and frustration.  Is he still like that?  I hope so.  And I hope that you have found a way to calm that crazy and to trust that God has it all handled.  

Did you let any future pregnancies stack on more and more weight? I hope you were able to get at least some of it off between each pregnancy, not because you want to be skinny, but because you want to be strong and you want to feel good.  Please, don't let yourself get too much bigger.  You hated it back in this time I am writing you from and I'm sure you still hate it.  

I know you are doing much better now.  Make sure you do your best to keep it that way.  I'm glad you and Bjorn finally got there.  And I hope you remember  never let your success dictate your lifestyle.   And never forget this love you have for your family and yourself.  

- 2018 Sabrina 

By the way it was during the third song that Ursa fell asleep.