My First Love

I don't like this prompt.  And that is not just because this is the second time I am having to write it.  (Note to self: always save your work as a draft BEFORE you switch windows to answer a text from your brother.)  Anyway like I'm sure I wrote much more eloquently the first time around that I thought about changing this prompt or just skipping it altogether.  Now, however, as this is the second time I am writing this I am invested and committed to seeing this dumb prompt though. So here is some stuff about love.

Without sounding to fairy tale or cliche I really believe that my first true and real love is what I have with my husband.  It is something that doesn't have conditions, hang-ups, or qualifiers.  With him I can be 100% myself and I don't have to worry about getting side-eyed, or belittled by him.  We aren't happy all the time, but we are able to work through the difficulties together and, since we have each other, it is not that bad.   We understand and accept each other's weaknesses and have compassion for each other's downfalls.  

I have had other infatuations and crushes in the past; I even almost married one of them,  but as they ended one by one the truth of what was really happening came out and none of those relationships had the true and real love that needs to be there for it to work.  In fact, now as I look back onto each of my past "loves" (if we can even call them that) they were all just escape routes.  They were friendships that started to grow crushes and instead of watering it myself and letting it grow, bloom and die naturally, I let my mother water those little seeds with Red Bull and then I let her kill them with bleach.  

Ok so this next paragraph I have tried to write 3 times now and have accidently deleted it because my fat fingers are too clumsy tonight for my phones keyboard.  So basically what it should say is that my mother is crazy and wanted to choose my spouse for me.  None of them worked out because they all saw the crazy, but I secretly wanted every one of them to work out so that I could get out of her control without her realizing that I just wanted to live my life without her. 

Long and horrible post short, every "relationship" I have ever had were all failed escape attempts.  

It wasn't until I escaped and freed myself that I met the person who would be my ultimate, real and true love.  

I don't even know what happened here. Everything started out good, then it all went to heck.  See what happens when I try to involve my mother in things? If you ever wonder why i never talk about her this is why.  Honestly it's all a blur of writing, losing all my work, re-writing, then accidently deleting, writing again, then deleting on purpose, then seriously considering scrapping the whole thing and skipping today.  I don't even want to go back and proof read because I'm scared I'll fat finger another button and delete the whole thing again.  

It won't hurt my feelings if nobody reads this.  Honestly if you unsubscribed after reading this bit of garbage I spit at you I wouldn't be surprised at all.  

Here's to hoping for better luck tomorrow.  I hope you will still come back tomorrow for day 20 of this 30 day writer's challenge.  Thank you and goodnight.